PEN Mondays - You’re Not Who They Think You Are...

5 min read

If you’re new here, welcome to PEN Mondays, where we explore more of the socio-emotional aspects of teaching. You’ll see us again on Wednesday with a brand new tech tool and academic study to supercharge your classroom.

This Monday, we tackle a unique situation.

Apparently, you have a reputation of hating children. Or at least, that’s what the rumors say. You’re short-tempered, you assign “impossible” tests, and if students are to be believed, your soul is fueled by red pens and tears.

Until one day, a student actually talks to you.

See, in every school, every teacher has a reputation.

Maybe you’re “the strict one.” Or “the chill one who lets people get away with everything.” Or “that weird art teacher who drinks too much kombucha.” (No judgment.) But here’s the truth: reputation is just lazy storytelling.

It’s stitched together from whispers, first impressions, hallway glances, and TikTok videos you never consented to be in. And when students do finally take the time to see the human behind the desk - not the caricature - that’s when the real work begins.

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Now, back to our regularly scheduled programing below!

The Myth of Who You Are

The thing about reputations is they form quickly and without consent. You give one pop quiz and suddenly you’re a dictator. You make a kid redo an assignment and suddenly you "hate kids" and "just want everyone to fail."

It’s nonsense, of course. But it sticks.

Because students (and sometimes parents, and sometimes even your own colleagues) build narratives that make them feel safe. If you're “mean,” they don’t have to try. If you're “too hard,” their grades aren’t their fault. Reputation becomes armor - for them.

And sometimes, unintentionally, for you too.

What They Find When They Actually Talk to You

There’s a moment in every teacher’s life - or at least, in the life of every teacher who sticks around long enough - where a student drops the act. Where they’re vulnerable. Where they say, “Hey, I’m going through something.”

Maybe their home life is unstable. Maybe they’re scared of being deported. Maybe they’re just tired. And that’s when they learn you’re not the villain in their high school drama. You’re the adult who shows up. Not just in the morning - but when it counts.

They find someone who listens. Someone who helps. Someone who says, “I don’t care about your legal status. I care that you’re okay. I care that you come back.”

It doesn’t show up in the yearbook, but it matters more than any “Most Inspirational Teacher” award.

High Standards ≠ Harsh

Yes, you have high expectations. No, that doesn’t make you cruel. It makes you committed.

The myth that kindness and challenge can’t live in the same classroom is one of the worst ideas to ever sneak its way into education.

You can be warm and still say, “That essay needs a rewrite.” You can smile and still say, “You can do better than this - and I’ll help you.”

It’s not personal. It’s professional.

If you didn’t care, you’d let them hand in their assignment as a TikTok dance. (And let’s be honest, some of them would try.)

You push because you believe. That doesn’t always make you popular, but it does make you effective.

You Are Allowed to Be Complicated

Here’s what’s unfair: your students get to be complicated. They get to be moody, brilliant, tired, overachieving, chaotic bundles of possibility. But teachers? We're often expected to be one thing.

You can’t be tough and tender. You can’t be strict and safe. You can’t be a disciplinarian and a shoulder to cry on.

Except, of course, you can. In fact, you must.

The best teachers are layered. They are misunderstood, challenged, gossiped about - and still they show up. Still they care. Still they grow.

You are not your reputation. You are your relationships. And those don’t show up on the hallway whiteboard.

Your Legacy Is Quiet Work

The real magic doesn’t happen when a student wins a scholarship or gets an A. It happens when a kid who used to hide in the back row suddenly asks for help. When a student who never showed up… starts showing up.

Sometimes they don’t say thank you. Sometimes they say you’re mean. Sometimes you’re the villain in someone’s dinner-table monologue - and you have to be okay with that.

Because you are not in this to be liked. You’re in this to build something real.

And real things take time.

So... Are You the Villain?

Maybe. According to one kid, anyway.

But give them time. Let them come to you. Let them learn the truth: that your standards aren’t a punishment, but a form of love. That your demeanor isn’t cold, but contained. That your silence in the hallway isn’t judgment - it’s the only peace you get before the lunch bell.

They’ll figure it out. Eventually.

And if they don’t? That’s okay too. You’re not here to be remembered as cool. You’re here to be remembered as the one who made a difference.

And sometimes, that difference only becomes clear in hindsight, long after the reputation fades.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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